Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
