I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize