Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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