Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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