just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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