I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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