In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
