She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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