Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
