I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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