Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize