yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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