i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
