Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
