who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
