he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
