How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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