i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did I show you my penis last night?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
