actually, I'm a sock model
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
