Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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