What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
