My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
