trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize