mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
