This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
