dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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