Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
