how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
