Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
