I must be too annoying 4 u.
are you still at the devil's house?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and she was petting her beer can
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize