i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
