Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
