think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
