You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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