I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
