I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
