weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
