Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
