You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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