alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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