waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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