Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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