So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
