I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize