I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
