I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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