He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this boner is exhausting
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
