he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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