Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
