so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
