Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
