dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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