He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
