I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize