I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
