I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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