but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
