I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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