The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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