he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
