If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
