I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
