The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
