The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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