Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
