Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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