I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize